November 8, 2004 2:20 AM | By Adam Roberts | 1 Comment

The Best Breakfast in New York? Possible, at Norma's

Lauren's sporadic visits to New York are great excuses to eat places where I would not otherwise eat. One such place is Norma's in the Parker Meridian Hotel. It is an outrageously expensive breakfast ($7 for a glass of orange juice!) but apparently the best in New York. Instead of opting for a fancy dinner, I suggested we do Norma's for a fancy Friday brunch. Lauren ascented.

So Norma's is in Midtown in the Parker Meridian, where Ashton Kuthcer goes for hamburgers. We ascended the marble steps and were greeted by the prepubescent host. He offered to take our jackets. We said, "No thanks." He showed us to our table.

Moments later our waiter ambled over. He brought two shot glasses and two menus. In the shot glasses, he told us, were complimentary tastes of that day's smoothie: cranberry and other berry smoothie. Lauren modelled her acquisitions:


The cranberry smoothie was outrageously good. Honestly. I would saw off my left pinky for the recipe. Just perfect in everyway. Lauren, who is often hesitant to overpraise, called it "divine." We both studied the menu eagerly in order to make good choices.

What we decided will shock you and amaze you with its ingenuity. We decided to each order something and SHARE it. That way, we could have something non-desserty (like eggs) and something desserty (liek waffles). The waiter came over and we told him what we wanted. That was the last we ever saw him (seriously).

The service at Norma's sahuuuuuuuuuucks. Sucksucksucks. Sucks. We had to ask 8 times for them to give us water. We were so thirsty. And when we drank our water, they never refilled it. We had to ask 76 times for the check. By the 75th time, Lauren decided not to go on living and leaped out the window. And there aren't any windows.

But the food. Mmmm, the food. Check out my fruit-stuffed waffle with creme brulee topping and more fruit:


Check out Lauren's Huevos Rancheros:


Everything was tear-inducingly delicious. Just perfect and amazing.

But the service sucks. And it's CRAZY expensive. Our dishes cost $17 each. Coffee cost $5 PER PERSON. And let me remind you about the orange juice: $7.

So, in conclusion, go once for the food, not for the service, then blog about it and be done. And bring someone rich.

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