I Don’t Have A Microwave

Last night, I cooked a spontaneous lasagna for six friends after which I served them delicious Meyer lemon bars. One of these friends, who we’ll call “Mark,” hadn’t eaten all day and despite all the food I stuffed him with was still hungry. Luckily I had leftover cauliflower pasta from last week in the fridge (don’t worry, it still tasted good) and I was happy to hand it over when he casually asked, “Where’s your microwave?”

I don’t have a microwave. Diana (my old roommate, his girlfriend) had one and when she moved out she took it with her. I don’t miss it.


1. I like popping popcorn on the stove;

2. I think microwaving your food changes its structural integrity. The leftover cauliflower pasta, for example, was–in my humble opinion–perfectly cooked. If we’d nuked it, it would’ve gotten mushier and the cauliflower would’ve turned soggy. I much prefer it cold from the fridge.

Not so my guests. They all thought I was crazy when I espoused reason #2 as a reason to eat the pasta cold. They colluded against me and did something that Craig does that drives me nuts: they dumped the pasta in a pot, added a little water, and stirred it around on medium heat. Mark gobbled it up and said it was delicious.

Delicious if you like things WITHOUT STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY.

What’s your take on this, dear reader? Do you side with me and find microwaves unnecessary? Or do you love your microwave, do you cook potatoes in it, do you tan yourself in front of it on weekends? Inquiring microphobes want to know.