Dreaming Big: A Janet Jackson Breast Cake

Tomorrow night I plan to create something topical, something ambitious, something that will offend every member of the FCC (Federal Culinary Commission): A Janet Jackson Breast Cake.

How will I do this?

Well, I started a thread over at eGullet on the matter: Janet Jackson Breast Cake Thread; but I am also seeking your input.

How best to represent the nipple? A Hershey kiss?

What baking apparatus will yield the most breast-like result?

People, please. We are in a time of great need. Please help make my Janet breast cake a breast cake for the ages. If not for me, do it for the children.

Sincerely,

The Amateur Gourmet

Ask The Amateur Gourmet!

And now for the birth of a new feature–ASK THE AMATEUR GOURMET!–in which site readers from all over the world ask the Amateur Gourmet culinary questions that he is completely incapable of answering. Here we go!

Dear Amateur Gourmet,

Where does the word “sushi” come from? My husband says it’s Japanese, but I’m convinced it’s Italian. Can you help us save our marriage?

Sincerely,

Forlorn in Fort Lauderdale

Dear Forlorn,

Your husband is a moron. “Sushi” is indeed an Italian word, derived from the Su Shi clan of Naples, Italy. The Su Shi clan’s penchant for raw fish ingestion left them ostricized from their community, forcing them to go live with the Iron Chef Japenese (hence your husband’s confusion). Soon after, they lost their interest in raw fish and started a boy band that became known to the world as Menudo. Interestingly, Menudo is Spanish for “raw fish.” Hope that helps!

Sincerely,

The Amateur Gourmet

Note: If you want YOUR culinary question incorrectly answered by The Amateur Gourmet, e-mail him your query at adrober@mac.com or post a question in the comments section!

Comment Prompt #3: The Best Cook You Know

Who is the best cook you know?

I nominate my dear friend and occassional pseudonymous contributor to TAG, Katy S. To be honest, I have only eaten a few things made at Katy’s hand but each one is among the best I’ve had in that category. For example: her apple pie. She makes great apple pie! Her pastry dough is perfect. She even puts lemon zest in it to perk things up. I may do a featured segment where she teaches me how to make her pastry dough. Otherwise, her pizza is really good too. And her husband makes great waffles.

Comment Prompt #2: Favorite Fictional Meal

Ok so from now on comment prompts are purely voluntary, like blood drives, only without the free cookie.

Today I suffered through three hours of class (with two more scheduled from 6 to 8) daydreaming about comment prompts and the like. I found this one to be particularly delicious.

COMMENT PROMPT #2:

WHAT MEAL FROM A MOVIE, BOOK, PLAY, MUSICAL, OR OTHER SUCH FICTIONAL SOURCE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO PARTAKE IN?

Here are ones that jump immediately to mind:

– The chocolate room in “Willy Wonka.” I always wanted to try that giant mushroom with whipped cream.

– The banquet that the girl has in Europepan Vacation when she’s on the plane and daydreaming and they keep bringing out course after course.

– Oooh, the dinner at the end of “Big Night.” That is such a good movie. And that giant Timpano thingie looks amazing.

Ok, your turn: type away!

Comment Prompt #1

I am about to begin my Friday night shennanigans which, thankfully, have nothing to do with Bennigans even though they rhyme.

I would like to encourage readers to post more comments and so as an incentive I would like to ask the following question: (written in all caps for dramatic effect):

WHAT WAS THE LAST BEST MEAL YOU HAD? OR, IN BETTER ENGLISH:

WHAT WAS THE BEST MEAL YOU HAD RECENTLY?

To prove how much I want you to participate, I won’t post any more on the main page until there are 10 responses. I’m badass.

Happy Friday Night Fun!

Adam

aka The Amateur Gourmet