Dear Ina

Last night I had a nightmare that you invited a bunch of food bloggers to your house to hang out and swap cookies and that you didn’t invite me. Imagine the horror! But then I woke up and started reading Deb’s latest blog post and life screeched to a halt: you DID invite a bunch of food bloggers to your house to hang out and swap cookies! And you didn’t invite me!

Ina, do you realize how faithful I’ve been to you over the years? We’re talking almost a decade of me singing your praises. In January of 2004, I blogged about your tropical smoothie (ok I didn’t sing your praises in that post because I messed up the smoothie, but ignore that); in November of 2005, I made your orange pound cake WHICH I LOVED. There are TWO PAGES of Barefoot Contessa archives on my blog (including my most popular post of all time) and that hardly includes everything. Yesterday I posted a mac and cheese recipe and where did I get my inspiration? Your show. Mmmhmm.

Now, granted, your reaction to all this might be: “You’ve been stealing my recipes for years, why would I invite you over to my house!” Stealing is a strong word, Ina. I think “celebrating” is way more accurate. Also: have I mentioned that I’m a sophisticated gay male who would fit right in with your crowd of sophisticated gay male friends? Ok, I don’t have pastel shirts or pants and I don’t know how to string lights or make a flower arrangement. (Also, I’m not very sophisticated.) But you’re friends with Broadway directors Rob Marshall and Susan Stroman and, not to brag, but I directed a pretty amazing production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in college. My Rueben was hilarious (and also my boyfriend at the time).

Look, Ina, we all make mistakes. In fact, I’m guessing that this was some technical mix-up due to a frazzled intern forgetting to add my name to the list. (Please chain her up in the barn.) I want you to know that I can forgive you and move on from this if you promise that the next time you invite food bloggers to your house, you lose all their invitations and only invite me. And Susan Stroman. I want to show her my Joseph video.

Adam Roberts
The Amateur Gourmet