In early 2013, scientists and scholars from the Institute Marron Glacé gathered in Montmarte to discuss the creation of a food personally quiz that would help define four different types of food personalities. Sadly, after a bad case of the Norovirus wiped out nearly half the attendees, the other half grew disenchanted with their chosen profession and applied to dental school en mass. Only three graduated, the other two became dental hygienists. The point is that the quiz they had been developing never saw the light of day until one of those dental hygienists e-mailed me recently and asked if I’d like to post the quiz on my website. I said I would. She tried to charge me several hundred dollars; I balked. She agreed to let me use it if I would pay for a teeth whitening. My appointment is scheduled for next Tuesday; in the meantime, here’s the quiz. Hopefully you will find it enlightening.
THE FOOD PERSONALITY QUIZ
As translated by Maurice Chevalier from the original text by Le Institute Marron Glacé
1. Growing up, when you would have a birthday party, the most important food element was always the:
D. Kimchi miso pots de crème
2. The most unusual item in your refrigerator is:
A. Strawberry-flavored milk
B. Smoked gouda
C. White truffles from Alba
D. Head cheese that you made yourself from a goat you slaughtered illegally
3. Your food hero is:
A. Rachael Ray
B. Mario Batali
C. Thomas Keller
D. Someone so important, no one knows who they are yet
4. At the movies, you like to snack on:
B. Peanut M&Ms
C. Macarons imported from Ladurée in France
D. Insects foraged by René Redzepi
5. When eating fish, your preferred beverage is:
B. A glass of Chardonnay
C. A floral Tramin Gewürztraminer from the Alto Adige region of Italy
D. Grape musk air imbibed through a gas mask
6. If you could only eat in one food city for the rest of your life, it would be:
A. New York
C. Hong Kong
D. The moon
7. The most important element of a dish is the:
C. Provenance of ingredients
D. Dishes are so 2012…who even uses the word “dish” anymore?
8. Your favorite dish that mom made at home was:
A. Tuna casserole
C. Chateaubriand with Bearnaise Sauce and Chateau Potatoes
D. I rejected mother’s food from the moment she weaned me
9. My guilty food pleasure is:
A. Ice cream from the carton
B. Raw cookie dough
C. Pickled watermelon rind from Artisanal picklers in Williamsburg
D. Fetal pig chorizo
10. My last meal would be:
A. Burger, fries, and a vanilla milkshake
B. Fried chicken, coleslaw, mashed potatoes
C. Alain Passard’s hot cold egg custard, Ferran Adria’s spherical olives and Thomas Keller’s Oysters and Pearls (that’s just Part One…how much time do you have?)
D. Desiccated ramp foam
If you answered mostly A, you are a CASUAL FOODIE who enjoys Food Network competition shows, dining at The Cheesecake Factory, and bubble baths scented with products from Bath & Body works. Your middle name is Fern.
If you answered mostly B, you are a DENTAL HYGIENIST and live in Pasadena. You drive a Honda and your middle name, strangely enough, is also Fern.
If you answered mostly C, you are a SPOILED FOODIE. You have never known a hard day’s work and your friends and family resent you. Consider volunteering for a day, it’ll do you some good. Your middle name is Juan Carlos.
If you answered mostly D, you are an ELITIST FOODIE. You think you’re better than everyone else and chances are you’re not even reading this because you don’t read food blogs. That fetal pig chorizo really creeps everyone out. Your middle name, strangely enough, is also Juan Carlos.