Food Crimes: Soft on Soft Sandwiches


Turkey and cheese is a sandwich staple for many people in this universe except I’m not one of those people. That’s because the idea of biting into soft turkey while also biting down on soft cheese totally skeeves me out. Soft on soft is absolutely the worst offense a sandwich maker can commit next to using mayonnaise but that’s a totally different conversation so let’s not get sidetracked. Let’s talk about the sandwich you see above.

That sandwich was consumed at a cute little stand in Griffith Park called Trails:


Here’s our friend Celia who didn’t eat this sandwich but kindly posed for this picture:


You can see that the environment is very charming. One point Trails.

But let’s talk about that sandwich I ordered, an avocado sandwich that came with a slice of cheese. Can we see it again please, Bob?


At the very top you’ll see a slice of cheese (is that mayo on top? Oh my) and at the very bottom you’ll see very soft avocado. Everything in between is an attempt to deal with the textural crisis that happens when you combine soft on soft, that most cardinal of sandwich-offenses. The sprouts, the tomato, the soy bacon bits (don’t ask) reveal a sandwich in denial. This sandwich was a monstrosity from the moment someone said, “Let’s put a slice of cheese on top of avocado mush.”

The department of Food Crimes hereby sentences this sandwich to 10 years in the hole for gross indecency and skeeving me out. Soft on soft sandwiches are the worst.