Food Crimes: Soft on Soft Sandwiches

Turkey and cheese is a sandwich staple for many people in this universe except I’m not one of those people. That’s because the idea of biting into soft turkey while also biting down on soft cheese totally skeeves me out. Soft on soft is absolutely the worst offense a sandwich maker can commit next to using mayonnaise but that’s a totally different conversation so let’s not get sidetracked. Let’s talk about the sandwich you see above.

That sandwich was consumed at a cute little stand in Griffith Park called Trails:


Here’s our friend Celia who didn’t eat this sandwich but kindly posed for this picture:


You can see that the environment is very charming. One point Trails.

But let’s talk about that sandwich I ordered, an avocado sandwich that came with a slice of cheese. Can we see it again please, Bob?

At the very top you’ll see a slice of cheese (is that mayo on top? Oh my) and at the very bottom you’ll see very soft avocado. Everything in between is an attempt to deal with the textural crisis that happens when you combine soft on soft, that most cardinal of sandwich-offenses. The sprouts, the tomato, the soy bacon bits (don’t ask) reveal a sandwich in denial. This sandwich was a monstrosity from the moment someone said, “Let’s put a slice of cheese on top of avocado mush.”

The department of Food Crimes hereby sentences this sandwich to 10 years in the hole for gross indecency and skeeving me out. Soft on soft sandwiches are the worst.

25 thoughts on “Food Crimes: Soft on Soft Sandwiches”

  1. Agreed! Just got back from vacation in the UK and don’t understand how they all subsist on those soft Pret a Manger sandwiches! I need a meaty Italian hero (sans mayo!)

  2. Don’t the sprouts add crunch? Also, the problem with this sandwich is the bread. Looks like it would get soggy too fast. I think replacing the bread with a firmer (but not hard) bread which would not get soggy would make it a lot better.

    1. Adam Amateur Gourmet

      Good question! Let me see if I can make sense of this. I think PB&J works because they’re both closer to something non-solid than turkey or cheese or avocado? So they’re not soft solid things; they’re soft non-solid things, like a different state of matter. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I’m satisfied!

  3. Okay, since we’re picking this poor sandwich apart, I’ll say this: The soy bacon bits can definitely go. The avocado should be sliced and not mushed up. The tomato, if in season and beefy, should add a little substance, along with the sprouts….and then I’m fine with the rest- the cheese, the red onion- sliced thin, the mayo, the non-toasted bread. Although, if I’m paying for this thing, I need some real bacon in it at least. Then we can talk about posting bail for this poor, skeevy little fella.

  4. OhMG, I’ve been battling the girl-who-doesn’t-like-sandwiches stigma my whole life because I *hate* soft-on-soft! It gives me the jibblies in the worst way. {{shudder}} I agree, though, that the PB&J is totally okay; to me it’s more like putting frosting on a cake (soft-on-soft, but not at all a problem) than putting floppy wet deli meat on a piece of floppy bread (soft-on-soft, but A SERIOUS PROBLEM).

  5. There is no accounting for tastes. Some like soft sandwiches some don’t. Some love mayo. To me a BLT on whole grain toast with ripe summer tomatoes, romaine lettuce and good mayo is the best sandwich in the world and is not as good without the mayo. Sliced hard cooked egg needs mayo to hold it on the bread and to complete the taste. I like mayo and mustard on processed meat or ham sandwiches (not corned beef). I do hate processed American cheese (or cheese food, even worse) which looks like the cheese on the sandwich. So speak for yourself not for the Dept of Food Crimes.

  6. That bread does look lame. And soy bacon bits? Why? I like everything else about the sandwich except mayo needs to go next to loose veggies, not next to cheese. Whoever made this sandwich is not a vegetarian or a sandwich person. And they have not had the #6 at Jimmy Johns.

  7. It looks like it could be good, however, I see where it went wrong though, and I’ve never understood this whole vegetarian thing (or vegan for that matter) whereby they make fake meat out of say Soy, what gives?

    If it were me, I’d put about half the amount of sprouts on it, and toast that bread at the very least.

    As to mayo, I like it, but for putting on tomatoes, a little lemon juice added to it helps greatly though.

  8. Not to be insensitive, because I know you’re mom didn’t cook, but come on. This is nothing more than the epitome of a mom sandwich. That’s not a crime. It’s the kind you’d get in a lunchbox. I have a soft spot of nostalgia in my heart for them. But it’s true, when paying, I generally expect a bit more finesse – the bread should at least be baked on premises or supercalifragilistically fresh.

  9. Oh no, I really really love this sandwich! It’s one of my favorite things about going to Griffith! Next time you go I recommend you get the grilled cheese–they toast it on a waffle iron which makes it extra delicious and gives it the texture you’re looking for.

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