The title of this post is taken from the fun new crossword puzzle documentary “Wordplay” which I saw on Friday and which features the observation that if you move the first letter of the first word in “Dunkin’ Donuts” to the end of the first word you get Unkind Donuts. The reason for this post is that I woke up sick today–a nasty springtime cold–and on my way to Whole Foods to buy ingredients for chicken soup I stopped into my favorite secret anti-gourmet hideaway, Dunkin’ Donuts, to eat a sacreligious bagel and to read the Sunday Times. Ever since my Atlanta years, when Dunkin’ Donuts was a regular habit (now it’s just a twice a year kind of thing) I always ordered the #3: a bagel and coffee for $2.99. In winter I’d get a regular hot coffee and in summer I’d get an iced coffee. That is until today when this exchange happened.
Me: Can I get a #3 with a sesame bagel toasted with cream cheese and an iced coffee.
Employee: No iced coffee, only regular coffee.
Me: I’m sorry?
Employee: It doesn’t come with an iced coffee. Only a regular coffee.
Me: Do you have ice?
Me: Do you have coffee?
Me: So can you give me a cup of ice and a coffee and I’ll pour the coffee on the ice?
Employee: Ok, but I’ll have to charge you.
And she did charge me. Thirty cents. Unkind Donuts indeed.