Rocky Macaroon

[sung to the tune of that Beatles song]

Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Hawaii

there’s a company called Dr. Paulo’s

and one day an e-mail came that took guts

it said: “We’re gonna send you some nuts [and coffee]

How’d you like that boy?”

So I said, “Sure send it”

and I waited for the mail

and it arrived real soon.

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Now most macaroons

Have coconut blooms

And rarely involve macadamias

But this recipe here

Is truly sincere

When it says you should use macadamias.* [*lazy rhyming alert!]

Macadamias add crunch

and I have a hunch

that they may very well be nutritious.

I opened the bag

and a nut I did snag

and the taste was truly delicious.

But say it ain’t so

They’re salty, no no

and the recipe says use nuts that are salt-less.

So the bag went away

and I started to pray

“Dear God I believe I am faultless.”

Then God just replied:

“Son step aside.”

And I collapsed in the corner.

[Piano solo while God does all the work.]

[God toasts the coconut.]

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[God combines condensed milk and vanilla.]

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[God whips egg whites.]

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[God combines everything.]

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[God spoons them out.]

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[God places them in the oven, bakes them and removes them.]

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[Thanks, God!]

Now the cookies are done

And won’t it be fun

to dip each one in some chocolate

We’ll melt down some chips

and dunk til it drips

and people will say, “Mmm, there’s chocolate*.” [*Lazy rhyme #2!]

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Now my macaroons

cause orgasmic swoons

just like they did in the Bible.

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Plus the nuts are still here

I’ll drink them with beer

The coffee will help with my revival. Yah!

[Piano music, fade out. Cue Ringo.]

8 comments

  1. uhm, no recipe in the link, Adam. By the way did you (or anyone else) listen to the cute, if somewaht kitch, Hawaiian music at Dr Paulo’s site?

  2. I just discovered your blog, must admit I haven’t been here before but I’m sure I’ll drop by again soon.

    I was unable to resist posting to let you know you’ve won an eternal spot in my heart for being the first person (outside of my immediate family) who knows of Rocky Raccoon, one of my favourite Beatles songs ever. Honestly, I’m so happy right now, it’s ridiculous.

  3. I particularly enjoyed the hand of God. Who knew that God was right handed? You did, that’s who.

  4. My husband has this great version of Rocky Raccoon where McCartney accidentally says “the doctor came in/shminking of gin.”

    It did him in, in the end! Poor doc.

    In other news, those cookies look super good. And I am jealous of your macadamias, yummy.

  5. oh my god those look AMAZING! I’m a little ashamed to say it, but i’ve been craving the Manishevitz the variety for a while now. Mmmmm….chocolate macaroons…

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