(“Say 22 because tomorrow I’m getting weighed and I think I lost another pound.” – mom)
I am in the bedroom of my mother, Heidi Roberts, who is eager to tell you about her method for shedding 21 pounds and counting. Over the last year, mom put on some weight (her diagnosis, not mine) and now she’s eager to shed it. How is she doing it? That’s what we’re here to tell you. What follows shall be transcribed verbatim.
ME: So, how ya doing?
ME: Tell us: how did you lose the weight?
MOM: You’re asking me?
MOM: Adam you can’t write that. Brad, he’s plagiarizing me! You can’t repeat that. BRAAAD! What’s he writing, can you look? He’s annoying me. He’s writing everything I’m saying. No, you can’t write all that.
ME: Tell us how you lost the weight.
MOM: I joined Weight Watchers.
ME: Had you been there before?
MOM : Many years ago…but now I’ve never done the new program where you count points. It’s called…(flips through book)…I’m doing the Flex Plan. There’s two plans but I’m doing the flex plan.
ME: Why is this better than other diets?
MOM: Because it allows you to eat anything you want in moderation…and it teaches you…(it wasn’t that I was eating the wrong things, it was just that I was eating too much of what I was allowed.
DAD: Portion control, damn it! Portion control!
MOM: I always knew how to eat healthily…but at my age I had to learn to eat less of what I was eating.
ME: So what do you eat now?
MOM: A combination of vegetables, fruit…
ME: What do you have for breakfast?
MOM: Usually an egg beaters omelet with vegetables in it…with either a Kashi waffle or a Weight Watchers English Muffin and omelet…
ME: What do you eat for lunch and dinner?
MOM: Usually a small piece of protein…sometimes shrimp, sometimes chicken…sometimes fish…but no red meat, I haven’t had red meat in a long time. The same for dinner. On the weekends I’ll allow myself to have a glass of wine…
ME: How important is exercise to regimen?
MOM: It is very important. I now exercise at least three to five days a week… I wear a heart monitor and it’s important to…don’t talk about that, I don’t know enough about it…. It’s important to do aerobic exercise three to five times a week.
ME: Is there any recipe or food from Weight Watchers that you recommend?
MOM: Yes, their garden vegetable soup.
ME: What’s so good about it?
MOM: It fills you up with very nutritious vegetables… and there are zero points. Only 42 calories. 0 fat and 2 grams of fiber.
ME: Sounds delicious!
MOM: It is.
ME: Can you tell us the recipe?
MOM: Are you ready?
2/3rds a cup of sliced carrots
1/2 cup diced onion
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 cups fat free broth beef, chicken, or vegetable
1 1/2 cups diced green cabbage
1/2 cup green beans
1 Tbs tomato paste
1/2 tsp dried basil
1/4 tsp dried oregano
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup diced zucchini
1. In large saucepan spray with non stick cooking spray. Saute the carrots, onion, garlic over low heat until softened–about five minutes.
2. Add broth, cabbage, beans, tomato paste, basil, oregano, and salt; Bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer, covered, about 15 minutes or until beans are tender.
3. Stir in zucchini and heat 3 to 4 minutes. Serve hot. Makes four 1 cup servings.
42 calories, 0 grams of fat, 2 grams of fiber.
Sometimes I put in a little Equal or Splenda to give it a sweet taste.
Mom: Don’t go by her, she’s a terrible cook.
ME: How often have you made this soup?
Mom: (laughs) Once every few weeks.
Me: Really? How often have you made this REALLY…
Mom: Well I made it once and I froze a bunch of it…
Me: How long ago was that?
Mom: I used it up… I don’t remember…. he’s harassing me.
Me: This interview is over. I do not support this diet…
Mom: Wait, I want to give you more food suggestions…
Me: I am not impressed. Go eat a salad.