The Birthday Party Dip Wars

The party was Friday and, to quote Jason Schafer, Lauren and I both turned 26 “without a hitch.”

There was music (pumping in from my bedroom via my Airport Express), there were little candles on the tables (purchased from Illuminations at a very low rate (I found it amusing that Illuminations doesn’t sell matches or lighters (well, they sell this one lighter but the woman who worked there was like, “Don’t buy this, it’s a rip off))), there were drinks and the people who drank them (photo by James Felder):


And then there was dip. You know about the dip. You watched me make it. The question has been raised: which dip would prove the most successful? Various readers (ok, like 3) wagered on this very issue. Now let us explore it.

The First Dip: Hummus with Toasted Pine Nuts on Top and Toasted Pita Chips on the Side for Dipping


This dip began the night with several fans. “It’s really lemony,” said one fan. “And I like it.” Eventually, the bowl (which I purchased from Fish’s Eddie, don’t you like it?) would go empty, but it took a while. Here, the Hummus supporters speak out:


“The hummus was nice and hummusy” says Adele.

“I liked the pine nuts on top,” says Russell.

“Your cooking disgusts me,” says Lauren. (It was Lauren’s birthday too, so we can cut her some slack.)

The hummus came in 3rd place for the evening.

The Second Dip: Pan-Fried Onion Dip Served With Potato Chips


Don’t you like the bowl? I also bought this at Fish’s Eddie. If you don’t know about Fish’s Eddie, it’s this dish store that sells funky dishes on Broadway and 19th (?). Some are pricey and some are CRAZY reasonable. The large ceramic dishes I put the chips on for each dip had a price tag on it that said $2 and then two 0s that looked like they hovered ever so slightly above the 2. So I asked, “Is this $20 or $200?” They said: “$2.” “Whoah,” I said, and bought them.

Now then, the pan-fried onion dip. This is what I secretly predicted would go the quickest. But James Felder took issue with it. “It would be better if the little pieces of onion were chopped up more, because they dangle off the chip,” he complained. (I actually took that into account after a reader suggested I put them in a food processor; instead I chopped them up with two knives.”)

The Onion Dip supporters felt differently:


“It’s like people don’t really understand this dip,” said Ben’s roommate (on left).

“Ya,” agreed Ben, “it’s like who doesn’t like a little onion in their dip?”

“I made the sun-dried tomato dip,” offered Lisa, to which there was an awkward silence. “Seriously, I made it.”

John, Merideth’s boyfriend, smiled and nodded his head. “I like dip.”

Merideth agreed, “John does like dip. And we both like the onion dip. Well done!”

All in all the onion dip comes in 2nd place. Lisa’s sun dried tomato dip (ok, it was really my sun dried tomato dip—I just told her what ingredients to put in the food processor) came in second to last. The Eggplant Dip came very last. Don’t make eggplant spread for your next party.

The Third and Final Dip: Guacamole


People love guacamole. That is the lesson of this party. If you are having a party, make guacamole. Something about it–the creaminess, the tanginess (from the lemon), the heat (from the tabasco) and the hallucinatory qualities (from the LSD) make guacamole a winner. These writers from my writing program agreed:


“Haha, everyone,” I said. “Look at this picture of yourselves! You’re so high from the LSD I put in the guacamole!”


Ok, there wasn’t LCD in the guacamole. But everyone loved it. It definitely went the quickest. The guacamole is the winner!

[And thanks to everyone for your birthday well wishes, cards, and other ephemera. (Ephemera means “things of short-lived usefulness.” I am not sure how that’s appropriate here.) I plan to turn another year older every year from now on. That is my pledge to you. And I will make guacamole because guacamole is the winner.]

8 thoughts on “The Birthday Party Dip Wars”

  1. I made that pan-friend onion dip for a Christmas party and made the mistake of cutting the onions the way BFC says which made it kind of hard to eat. Next time I’ll cut the onions into much smaller pieces.

    It also makes a ton of dip. I wound up having to throw some out.

    I’m surprised that guacamole was the winner. I would have thought it would have been the hummus.

  2. I’m also surprised the guacamole won. I thought it would be the onion dip because of course pan fried onions = big yum!

    But I guess rich and bright green avocados are always extremely delicious to people, so if I really think about it, it makes sense. Even though I love panfried onions, I think I’d prefer to stand by the guacamole bowl all night.

  3. 1. Happy belated b-day TAG!!!

    2. Don’t tell me that the eggplant dip didn’t even rate!? Dude, you’re breaking my heart here. I must insist that you tell us what happened with the eggplant dip.

  4. I came SOO close to losing my virginity that night, but I was too embarrassed about my onion dip breath to go through with it. Thanks, Adam, for keeping me pure!!

  5. > Ok, there wasn’t LCD in the guacamole.

    aah, the good old fashioned CRT guacamole? how retro.

    oh, and happy birth-day, belatedly.

  6. You left out a very important detail. What kind of potato chips did you serve with the onion dip? I have to know.

    Anyway, it all looks fantastic and nothing can compete with an avocado. Especially not an eggplant….

  7. Happy Belated B-day.

    What went wrong with the eggplant dip? I’m not really surprised that the guacamole was the winner. All too often I go out of the way to make something new and unique, and what do people end up chowing down on? The guacamole and the 7-layer dip. Hey, let’s admit, it’s down right yummy.

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