The Thursday Night Dinner Song: “Anti-Chopsticks”

My chopsticks Pygmalion saga is still a work-in-progress. I’m Eliza Forkhappy. I really like using a fork, even when chopsticks are an option. I only use chopsticks, really, for sushi. And even then, I’d be just as happy using a fork. Or my fingers. I’m not what you’d call a “chopsticks advocate.” This is progress, though, from the vitriol I espoused years back to college friends who I felt “pretentiously” and “unnecessarily” used chopsticks to eat food that worked perfectly well with a fork. And thus tonight, while eating a sushi salad, the idea for a dinner song came to me:


May you see the error of your ways.

Download The Anti-Chopsticks Song.

8 thoughts on “The Thursday Night Dinner Song: “Anti-Chopsticks””

  1. Well I use re-usable, plastic chopsticks.


    *stabs Adam with his chopsticks, washes them off, and goes and has lunch*

  2. Chopsticks are your friend! They’re so portable and precise. I use them all the time, and I even have giant ones for cooking.

  3. Evan Wasserman

    HEY, Adam….Amateur Gourmet is the website of my dreams….LITERALLY!!!. Last night I had a dream that you invited Jared, Jocelyn, and I to your house for dinner. You made great stuff, and for desert you gave me some sort of homemade sorbet (I think rasberry). For some reason you had a mustache hahaha. NO JOKE. This really was my dream last night!

  4. oh just learn how to use them or let the rest of us who can and want to alone. you sound like friends who can’t drive stick who are a little too defensive about how they can’t see why everyone doesn’t just drive an automatic. also, i’m pretty sure people in japan use their fingers for sushi so you might never have to use chopsticks again. great site by the way.

  5. ok thats it, i need to post by another name.

    Ill be taking suggestions for the next 24 hours.

  6. There’s something about the college years that infect the best of us with “cool-itis”. I used to eat peas with chopsticks and think it was pretty damn cool, sophisticated even. Now I think, jeez, was I that stupid?! Just try eating peas with chopsticks. Peas are why they invented forks, or spoons for that matter.

  7. …we use metal chopsticks at my house. used em my whole life. I don’t know what the big deal is about to use them or not… either way. peas are better with chopsticks cause they are more precise and don’t make the peas roll away like forks do, like when you can’t stab them right and they fall off the plate. but for say, macaroni, forks are better to puncture with.

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