The Return to the Gym

I had good excuses. My most recent one was this:

I was in the locker room, all ready to work out, ready to change into my workout clothes when I suddenly blanked on my locker combination. Figuring it would come back to me if I locked the lock, I locked the lock before locking it on the locker and proceeded to fumble through 80,000 combinations. None worked. I had no way to lock up my wallet, my cell phone and my pocket Moleskin notebook filled with brilliant ideas. It was a simple cost benefit analysis: true, working out is a health benefit, but the cost of losing my wallet, cell phone and especially my Moleskin notebook filled with brilliant ideas was too great. I threw my gym bag over my shoulder and promptly exited.

Tonight, though, I was driving to Kroger to buy a 10″ glass pie pan for my Strawberry-Rhubarb Cobbler when I felt a sudden pang of guilt. “Adam,” said guilt, “it’s warm out! Swimsuit season is rapidly approaching! You MUST go to the gym!”

And miraculously, in that very moment, my locker combination suddenly came back to me: 7-0-33. (For some reason, I was convinced 33 was 22 last time around).

The fact that I go to a gym at all is a direct result of my friend Ricky and his stunning success on Body For Life. He went from Urkel to the Incredible Hulk almost overnight. (Physique-wise, that is; not race wise. He’s not green. Nor was he black). I figured I could do the same.

This summer in LA, I began my Body for Life program to the vast amusement of my fellow interns at the law firm I worked at. What we found most amusing was Bill Phillips’ instruction to chant “I AM BUILDING MY BODY FOR LIFE!” every time you lift a weight. We found this very funny.

But, all kidding aside, I like Body For Life. I like it because an unmotivated weakling like myself can do it without exhausting myself so greatly that I won’t keep up with it. Well, that is until I come up with a really good excuse. Like winter. Winter was a good excuse. It’s cold in winter!

And when I say I do Body For Life, I do the exercise not the diet (obviously!). The upside to this is that I don’t have to eat 6 highly-proteinated meals a day. The downside is that I lose more weight than I should. I don’t want to lose weight. I want to bulk up. UnUrkeling myself into Hulkdom.

In any case, tonight I climbed aboard a treadmill and committed to doing 20 very intense minutes. That commitment proved tremulous when I tumbled off the treadmill, panting, at the 16 minute mark. Ya, it’s been a while since I’ve worked out. Time to get back in shape.

1 thought on “The Return to the Gym”

  1. I just don’t understand why boys all want to “bulk up”. Yucky! I’ll take a cute skinny boy over some beefy old gym-butt any day. As proof of my sincerity, I submit the following fact: my boyfriend weighs 20 pounds less than me, and I am not particularly fat.

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