Ugly Fruit

“Ugly Fruit it’s gonna move you / it’s just a song that gets right to ya!”

So goes the commercial. But why is it advertised as gum?

In any case, I continued my quest for all fruits bizarre and ill-sounding today at Whole Foods when I picked up an Ugly Fruit. At least I think it’s an Ugly Fruit. I mean look at it, it’s ugly!

I put it on the cutting board and basked in its ugliness.


“Damn girl,” I said. “You ugly.”

The ugly fruit flashed its navel. “Shut up child, you don’t know my life.”

Like Lucy Liu in “Kill Bill,” I immediately sliced its head off.


Inside, it looked like an orange but much much bigger. As for taste, it tasted like an orange with a hint of grapefruit but much much bigger.

I actually enjoyed the Ugly Fruit. Lauren did too.

“Mmm,” she said. “Not bad.”

“It sho is ugly, though,” I said.

Lauren shook her head.

“I mean DAMN,” I continued, “this fruit is so ugly…”

“I’ll be in the other room,” Lauren concluded.

Why she gotta be trippin?

8 thoughts on “Ugly Fruit”

  1. Mmmmmm . . . . Ugly Fruit. How can something that ugly taste so good? Yours probably was only “not bad” because it was not at all ripe enough. They are best when they are a bit more yellow and feel like the skin is bigger than the fruit and almost detached from the fruit(can’t explain how you can tell, but if you had one that felt like this, you’d know). If it seems over-ripe, it’s probably perfect. And it should be eaten cold! It’s also marketed as Uniq fruit, but an Ugly Fruit by any other name . . . . I once quested for all fruits bizarre. I found Melissas while on a mission to gorge myself full of lychee fruit. Then I saw the price and settled for “window shopping.”

  2. Vidiot, you should contact them and see when they have it back in stock. It looks really pretty! When I found the site in early summer, they had way more in stock (and I guess in season) than they do now. Here is some other fruity goodness found on the web. Forget Disney, THIS is my kind of place!

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