We Got Married (The Wedding Post)

June 3, 2015 | By | COMMENTS

I was never a wedding person. Growing up, I’d watch the wedding scene in The Sound of Music and fantasize about writing a great musical someday. The idea of walking down an aisle held very little appeal for me (even if there’d be nuns singing a slowed-down version of “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?”) So when Craig and I got engaged almost two years ago at Rustic Canyon, I imagined us having a simple wedding at a nice restaurant somewhere. Maybe just our families and a few close friends at Blue Hill Stone Barns or The French Laundry; 12 to 15 people max. The only problem? My betrothed had a very different idea of what our wedding would be. “I want a big party,” he informed me soon after we told our families that we were getting married. “A big party with lots and lots of people!”

This was a problem for me because, after nine years with Craig, one thing was very clear: if there was going to be a big party with lots and lots of people, I was going to be the one to plan it.

So, without consciously knowing that I was doing so, I stalled. For about a year. Very gradually, family members began to ask: “So when are you thinking of having that wedding?” Friends too. I felt a bit stuck. And then two things happened: (1) We attended the wedding of our friends John and Michael and I found the whole thing to be so moving and special, a fire suddenly ignited underneath me; and (2) I discovered that you could get married at L.A.’s Natural History Museum.

Venue had been a big question for us and suddenly there was a place that was delightfully unexpected and weirdly elegant. Plus Craig is a bit nature-obsessed (you should see all of the frog and octopus figurines in our apartment). So my parents came to town and we toured the museum and they fell in love with it too. The contract was signed: we’d be getting married on May 23rd, 2015.

Suddenly a wave of anxiety washed over me: now what do we do? How do we get invitations? A caterer? A photographer? A D.J.? That’s when a golden light shown down from heaven, and a wedding planner named Melissa McNeeley of “Events By Melissa McNeeley” entered our lives. A long-time friend of our friends Jim and Todd, Melissa first popped up on my Instagram; I clicked over to her page, loved what I saw, and wrote her an e-mail. And from that point forward, our wedding was in wedding genius hands.

First things first: the caterer. We had some ideas about what we wanted, and we explored many options, but there was one L.A. caterer that seemed so in line with my food sensibilities (local ingredients, etc.) that it was almost an inevitability we’d go with them. That caterer was Heirloom L.A. and they absolutely blew us away at the tasting they set up for us when my parents came into town again. We all left there raving about the food and the contract was signed pretty much immediately.

Next up? The invitations. Melissa put us in touch with a BRILLIANT (yes, all-caps worthy) graphic designer named Alix Sorrell. First, she came up with our Save The Date which we absolutely loved; and the invitation was even more beautiful. At some point, Melissa had the idea (based on Craig mentioning the color pink) to incorporate hot pink into our wedding theme. Behold the end result:

To gild the lily, Melissa found incredible vintage stamps and had her assistant Lauren Goldberg (who has her own company Tiny Victory Designs) do gorgeous calligraphy in gold. The results were pretty spectacular.

Then what? Melissa found us a fantastic wedding photographer, Gary Ashley, who took all of the pictures you see in this post (except for the one of us with Melissa at Little Dom’s). Craig and I spent the whole afternoon leading up to the wedding with Gary and he took cute pictures of us getting ready, like this one:

Melissa also found us a killer D.J. named Phil Quinaz who, funny enough, was the D.J. at our friends Mark and Diana’s wedding—a wedding where Craig performed the ceremony; Diana would be performing ours. We met with Phil at his cool Silverlake digs a few weeks before the wedding and chose all of the songs we’d want for the ceremony (we’d enter to “One Day Like This” by Elbow; exit to “Hold Tight” from the “Deathproof” soundtrack; do our first dance to Tracy Thorn’s cover of “The Book of Love”; and our mom dance to Weezer’s cover of “The Rainbow Connection.” OK, I made a Spotify playlist featuring all of this plus Phil’s dance music.)

Finally, Melissa found us a great lighting company, The Lighter Side, and an amazing L.A. florist named Kristen Caissie of Moon Canyon who has over 42,000 followers on Instagram. That’s because her taste is so bold and exquisite. Check out some of the flowers from our wedding:

* * * * *

In the days leading up to the wedding, when people would ask: “Are you nervous?” I’d say, “Not really. It’s like we’ve spent the last year building a big theme park ride and now we finally get to go on the ride.”

The day of the wedding, I tried to be as anti-social as I could to conserve energy for the big night (sorry Ryan, Kristen, and Celia that I didn’t want to sit with you at breakfast!). Part of me thought of the wedding as something I’d just have to get through; as much as I was looking forward to it, I also was looking forward to it being over and getting to Palm Springs for our mini-moon. I was pretty unsentimental about the whole wedding enterprise. Even in the 20 minutes before we walked down the aisle, I made a point to say, “I’m probably not going to get very emotional.”

Oh, silly me.

The music started up and Craig’s brother Eric and sister Kristin walked through the doors, down the aisle, followed by my brother Michael and sister-in-law Tali. Then Craig walked out with his parents and I followed with mine.

That feeling of seeing everyone that I’ve ever really known in my life, close friends from college, from grad school, from New York and L.A., plus family members and friends of my parents and Craig’s parents, was decidedly overwhelming. It was as if I’d suddenly been catapulted into the clouds and I was hovering above everything, in a heightened dream state. The moment the real emotion bomb went off was when I was standing with Craig in front of everyone and Diana began her invocation, telling the story of how she met me at N.Y.U., and how giddy I was when I met Craig. Her speech was so moving and so well-written, when she finished the audience burst into applause.

Then our friends Patty and Celia did readings and, finally, it was our time to do our vows. I’d written my vows the week before and spent many a night practicing them while Craig was in Minnesota getting to work on his next movie. But nothing could prepare me for the feeling of delivering them to Craig, up there, in front of everyone we knew. This, it turns out, is what weddings are all about.

When Craig delivered his vows, he got a bit choked up and I thought I might lose it. To be standing there with this person that I love in 2015, when such a thing is possible, made me feel so lucky to be alive right now and also so grateful to the thousands of gay men and women who fought the big battles so that a moment like this might be possible. When Diana said “you may now kiss the groom” and Craig and I locked lips, it was easily the happiest moment of my life.

And from there, the rest of the night was pure joy.

The nice thing about getting married at the museum was that we could use different spaces for different parts of the night. So the ceremony was in the rotunda room and the cocktail portion was outside in front of a rose garden.

It was pretty spectacular, as was the food Heirloom dished up.

After cocktails, we all walked past a bunch of dinosaurs to get to the reception.

Melissa had the idea to make each table a different animal and Alix executed that idea with these delightful escort cards which were arrayed just so:

The party room was the Hall of North African Mammals and I have to say, walking in and seeing all of the lights and flowers and everything all set up totally took my breath away.

When Craig and I walked in, everyone applauded which was another one of my favorite moments of the night. Then there was food (I hardly ate a thing, I was so busy talking to everyone) but it all looked really delicious. Short ribs…

Salmon…

Brussels sprouts…

And carrots that many people raved about.

Many toasts were made, including lovely ones from my parents and Craig’s parents:

A highlight for many was when my 93 year-old Uncle Jerry (who you’ve met on here many times) sang “Make Someone Happy.” Then we all danced the hora and Craig and I risked our lives getting hoisted up in chairs:

Everything after that was a bit of a blur, but the best kind of blur, the kind of blur that bleeds into the next few days–I compared it to being on drugs (not that I’ve ever been on drugs)–a high that you never want to end.

Which is all to say that this was my own personal Christmas Carol in which I was the Ebenezer Scrooge of gay weddings and at the end I was doing a happy jig and telling every gay couple I know that they’d be crazy not to tie the knot too. Obviously, a huge credit goes to our parents; Craig’s parents for a terrific rehearsal dinner and my parents who were so generous about throwing us such a gorgeous wedding. None of this would’ve been possible without them:

And now it’s back to reality, a hard thing to admit, but nonetheless true. Should I be on the couch one day flipping through the channels and should I stumble accidentally on the wedding scene from The Sound of Music, I’ll shed a tear not because I never wrote my own version of the great American musical, but because–just like Maria Von Trapp–I got married to a wonderful man and it was pretty much the best day of my entire life.

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Categories: Personal Essays

  • EstherZ

    Yay! So beautiful! Congratulations, best wishes, and happiness to you both :)

  • Lisa Solak

    What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing your day with us and congratulations!

  • Rosa

    Congratulations and best wishes!

    Cheers,

    Rosa

  • Allison Klein

    Such a beautiful post — it brought tears to my eyes. Mazel tov!

  • Yasmin

    This post makes my heart so happy. Thank you for sharing it and so much with your readers. xoxo

  • Deb

    Oh hooray! So happy for you both. Thank you for sharing.

  • Tori Ballantine

    Congratulations on a wonderful wedding and an amazing start to this next chapter of your lives together! Mazel Tov, and thanks for sharing this beautiful story!

  • http://www.confessionsofachocoholic.com/ Bianca Garcia

    Waht a lovely, lovely post. Congratulations Adam and Craig! Thank you for sharing the highlights of your special day with us!

  • Jill Donnelly

    I’m so glad you did a post because I knew it would be beautiful. Sincere congratulations to the two of you…it is a good day to be alive indeed.

  • Jessica Jones

    ugly crying right now and so happy for you! I’ve followed your blog for years and feel so privileged you’ve let us into this wonderful occasion! congrats again! <3

  • Anonymous

    Oh Yay! And now I’m all choked up by the memory of my sweet uncle Jack, who had to wait until my grandmother died to divorce his wife and run off with the man he’d spend the next 25 years with … such wonderous times we live in. All the happiness in the world to both of you!

  • http://cuceesprouts.com Faina Shpiler

    you two are adorable

  • WendyR

    I love this. Thanks so much for sharing the story of your special day with us. Marriage is awesome.

  • Flavia Pantoja

    So beautifuI! From the flowers, to the food, to the venue, I cried reading while listening to the playlist! I am so glad Craig wanted a big party! :) Congratulations!

  • BobYes

    At long last! Mazel tov to you both, I only wish that my late partner and I could have had a “real” wedding although our exchanging of vows and rings on the beach at Fire Island was memorable and is with me still, as is he. How was Palm Springs? I live here now.

  • Anonymous

    Man, that’s the best location ever for a wedding. Inspiration for if/when one of my kids wants to get hitched someday. You guys just radiate love. Congratulations to you both!

  • Lori Arbuckle

    How wonderful! I’m so thrilled for you both and the wedding looks stunning, exciting and blissful. Best wishes!

  • http://www.thepickygirl.com Jenn

    Oh, I love this so much. Many, many years of happiness for you both. What a beautiful start to your marriage. Congratulations!

  • http://deliciousnotgorgeous.blogspot.com/ Heather

    Congrats! So happy for you two (: Also, thanks for sending me on a Sound of Music soundtrack bender (not really like I need an excuse, though).

  • http://www.orgasmicchef.com/ Maureen

    I cried reading this. What an incredible wedding and such a beautiful life you have together.

  • Dixie Chik

    So beautiful! Mozel Tov!! (And the food looked fantastic BTW)

  • James in NZ

    Mazel tov to you both!

  • Kirk

    Congrats!

  • anne

    warm congratulations! wishing you both a lifetime of happiness!

  • Genevieve Moore

    Heart-felt congratulations from a long-time reader who is typing through tears. These photos are terrific, thanks so much for sharing with us!

  • http://mylittleexpatkitchen.blogspot.nl/ Magda .

    Congratulations!! You both look so happy and the venue.. what a brilliant idea. Oh and the food, gorgeous!!
    Congrats!!!

  • Jenvox

    Gorgeous! Many congratulations and happiness for years and years to come.

  • http://www.girlgonegourmet.com April A.

    What a beautiful wedding — your post brought tears to my eyes and, as a long time reader, it’s so wonderful to get a glimpse of your big day. Thank you for sharing it! Congrats to you both and I wish you many years of happiness together!

  • Kate H

    Congratulations to you both! Fantastic wedding: everything is so beautifully done!

  • janma28

    Crying many happy tears. Uncle Jerry singing Make Someone Happy…oy

  • NancyRing

    Beautiful!! Congratulations and I I wish you love and joy that grows everyday!

  • Mary from Boston

    Congratulations and best wishes for many many happy years!

  • Marlys Bourm

    Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful photos and your feelings about such a wonderful wedding. We have been loving all the news about your wedding and it is go great to see how beautiful it was. Fondly, Marlys (Craig’s Mother’s Bookclub in Bellingham, WA!)

  • Nancy Ewart

    Mazel Tov!

  • Vicky Byrne

    Adam, reading this made my eyes well up with tears, tears of
    joy, tears because you can FEEL the love between you and Craig radiating from this blog post.

    Thank You for opening up your heart and allowing all of us into
    your special day and the moments leading up to it. It seemed like a loving,
    wonderful adventure to the alter for the both of you.

    You both are a true definition of love in every sense of the
    word. Now you are both sealed in ceremony and you both have made a commitment in front of friends and family to be “as one” forever.

    I KNOW that your love and commitment will only grow stronger as you both journey through life and love together.

    I love and am inspired by your love.

    You both make each other strong and I know that always
    continue.
    Thank You for sharing this as an example and representation of
    love… true, soulful, love. May it continue to grow forever

    Love and Mazel Tov
    Vicky Byrne ” TeamWonderful”

  • april white

    Having followed you since your Atlanta days, I am so happy you’ve found such joy in your life. Congratulations to you both!

  • Ashley Lusk

    It’s possible tears were involved in reading this. Congrats!

  • Jennifer Kendall

    Oh! I love this!! Best wishes to you both! Got a little misty eyed–Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. Love wins.

  • Boise Runner

    Wow oh wow! <3

  • http://www.kitchenkonfidence.com Brandon @ Kitchen Konfidence

    Awwww, congratulations you two!! Seems like it was a fun celebration, and the food looks amazing!!

  • Bob

    Genesis 1.27 So Elohim created man in his own image, in the image of Elohim created he him; male and female created he them.

    Deuteronomy 22.5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto יהוה thy Elohim.

    Ephesians 5.31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

    Matthew 19
    4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
    5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

    Deuteronomy 4.2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of יהוה your Elohim which I command you.

    I Corinthians 6
    9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of יהוה? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
    10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of יהוה.

    Leviticus 20.13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

    Romans 1
    24 Wherefore יהוה also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
    25 Who changed the truth of יהוה into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever.
    26 For this cause יהוה gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
    32 Who knowing the judgment of יהוה, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

    I John 1.9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

    Deuteronomy 12.32 What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it.

    Ephesians 5.22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto

  • Anonymous

    May you be always happy like in that day – your post is so sweet :-)
    Congratulations!

  • Barbara Lane

    So, so beautiful – the love and the wedding!

    I wish you a life of

    Love

    Good health

    Happy Days

    Dreamy nights

    Adventure

    Magic

    Wonder

    Curiosity

    Seeking

    Contentment

    Good fortune

    Good eats

    and

    Amazing grace.

    Best, best wishes. XO

  • Barbara Lane

    So, so beautiful – the love and the wedding!

    I wish you a life of

    Love

    Good health

    Happy Days

    Dreamy nights

    Adventure

    Magic

    Wonder

    Curiosity

    Seeking

    Contentment

    Good fortune

    Good eats

    and

    Amazing grace.

    Best, best wishes. XO

  • Buellie413

    Congratulations!! I love everything about these pictures, but the escort cards are to DIE for.

  • Anonymous

    Congratulations! What a beautiful wedding and couple.

  • http://lifedblog.com Life’d Blog

    The venue looks amazing!! Good to see people following their true happiness. Congrads!!

  • Tom N

    Congratulations, gentlemen! It looks lovely. Best wishes to you both!

  • Sharon

    This makes me so happy, for so many reasons! Mazel Tov to you and Craig – my you spend many happy years together!

  • Meghanssj

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful day with us. It looks like an absolutely stunning celebration. I am sure your family and friends were thrilled to be a part of it. Good luck to Craig shooting in MPLS. I keep seeing local spots around the cities in instagram, its fun!

  • John Cardone

    ..

  • Vickie Lovina-Dela Pena

    Oh Adam, your telling has me in tears. Wish I could’ve been there to see your joy first hand!! What a beautiful wedding!!

    Mazel tov and a long and happy marriage for you and Craig.

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  • Karel Paragh

    Congratulations and best wishes! Karel Koes Hiranjgarbh Missier Paragh

  • http://scottandwayne.com @ScottandWayne

    Wow, congratulations Adam and Craig! What a spectacular ceremony and a perfect year to get married :-)
    I love your post because I felt the exact same feelings this past year too (the overwhelming amount of wedding planning, the “what are we going to do next?” post-engagement procrastination, and of course, nervousness about throwing a big gay wedding and being so public when we’re such private people). But I agree it was totally worth it and the best day of my life!

  • Shell McBride

    So very happy for you! My older son married his husband and a beautiful ceremony followed by a fun party in San Francisco about a year ago. So many guests were really impacted by the meaning and sincerity of the vows and toasts. Your wedding was very beautiful! I’m glad that both of your parents were so supportive too! Congrats to everyone!

  • Stephie

    I’m teary-eyed just reading about it. Thank you for sharing your beautiful day with us! Congratulations to you and Craig :)

  • http://www.WhereWedding.co.uk WhereWedding.co.uk

    love your wedding invitations! <3

  • http://www.culinaryhill.com/ Meggan | Culinary Hill

    I attended a baby shower catered by Heirloom LA – WOW. Your food looks even better which I didn’t think was possible. You look so happy in the pictures, it makes my heart sing for you. Congrats. xxo

  • Sam_Handwich

    Congrats, guys!

    Hubby and I just had our 4th anniversary, June 26 … Decision Day in Obergefell….and Windsor …and Lawrence. :-)

  • qagirl614

    Best wishes for happiness and love to you both. Congratulations.
    What a beaufiful event!

  • Kate Juergens

    Congratulations!!! I have been following your blog since 2008, so even though I’m a stranger to you, you feel like family to me. I’m so happy for you!

  • http://www.amoyshare.com/ Alice Adam

    So beautiful. Best wishes to them. #amoyshare

  • http://www.amoyshare.com/ Alice Adam

    Congratulations. I believe the wedding must be great. Everyone are so happy. The best wishes to you both. #amoyshare

  • Timothy Kimbell II

    I’ve been waiting to read this post for some time now. Having just finished watching “The Skeleton Twins”, you naturally crossed my mind, and here I find myself. From Atlanta and “the cupcake” to now has been such a phenomenal journey, and it’s posts like this one that make me happy to have had the good fortune of reading along; cheers to you both!!

  • http://thumuamaytinhcupc.wordpress.com duyan

    so happy! wonderful party..

  • Anonymous

    I hadn’t read your blog in months and I’m so glad I thought to check in and “see what Adam’s been up to.” The TV writer, feh, (not really, just kidding) but this post brought tears to my eyes. Yes, we live in incredible times (and I say this as a straight ally) it gave me such nachas that your families were both so involved and supportive too, as you know not everyone’s are. One of the proudest moments of my life was when my father’s first cousin and his partner asked me to perform their wedding. Mazel tov to the both of you…it looks like it was gorgeous. And yes, until anyone actually goes through a wedding, gay or straight, it’s impossible to know how incredible being witnessed and celebrated with your beloved, in that moment, feels.

  • Victoria

    <3 What a beautiful post and a gorgeous wedding!!! Congratulations!!!

  • amey

    so sweet

  • mimi rippee

    Congratulations! Best wedding photos ever!!!

  • Queef Sniffer

    OMG … They are Faggits

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