Make Your Own Civet Coffee

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For years, I’ve been wanting to try the delicacy known as Kopi Luwak–or Civet Coffee–which comes from the islands of Sumatra, Java, and Bali. The coffee is made by feeding beans to wild civets and then, after digestion, collecting the beans (along with the feces) which take on wonderful flavors because of fermentation in the digestive tract. Sadly, tracking down civet coffee in Los Angeles is highly difficult; and wild civets are hard to come by. Which is why I had the bright idea of feeding coffee beans to my cat, Lolita Roberts-Johnson, to see if I could make Kopi Luwak here at home.

The first step was definitely the hardest: getting Lolita to eat the coffee beans. I tried packing them in tuna, in sardines, and smoked trout, but ultimately she went for them when I coated them in catnip.

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Step 2: defecation. You can lead a cat to the litter box, but you can’t make her poop. After handing her a few magazines (old issues of “Cat Fancy”) she finally did her business.

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Look how richly I was rewarded!

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Those coffee beans, now defecated, were more precious than white truffles from Alba. All I had to do was scoop them up:

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Don’t worry about the other stuff that you might collect with the coffee beans: that only adds flavor.

Into the coffee grinder it all went (please don’t tell Craig):

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Then into our coffee maker. Moments later, I was pouring myself a cup of homemade civet coffee.

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So, did it live up to the hype? Yes and then some!

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Refreshing, effervescent, reminiscent of Arm & Hammer kitty litter with hints of feces and urine, it’s the coffee of any coffee lover’s dreams.

So the next time you’re craving civet coffee, don’t break the bank. Just coax your kitty into playing a bathroom barista and your coffee dreams will come true. I’m never drinking normal coffee again.

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43 comments

  1. omg. So, I’m innocently reading this and thinking, hmm, interesting, civet poop, yadda, yad-gross!!! And then I thought April Fools. You joker you :-). You got me good, lol!

  2. This is simply wonderful! I love the internets, I am endlessly rewarded every April 1 with the best, most innovative pranking.

  3. I love how judgmental Lolita looks. She doesn’t think you’re funny (but when do cats ever?).

  4. God, I hate April Fools. Everyone thinks they’re The Onion when the reality is they’re all snot-nosed four-year-olds when it comes to this sort of humor.

  5. I like the facial expressions of your cat on that first picture. She was like “Reaally?” “You think this is funny?! Really!!?”

  6. Ugh, I can’t believe didn’t use organic, sustainably sourced cat litter for this process. Did you even ask Lolita to sign a fair trade agreement?

  7. Ugh, I can’t believe didn’t use organic, sustainably sourced cat litter for this process. Did you even ask Lolita to sign a fair trade agreement?

  8. Ugh, I can’t believe didn’t use organic, sustainably sourced cat litter for this process. Did you even ask Lolita to sign a fair trade agreement?

  9. Ugh, I can’t believe didn’t use organic, sustainably sourced cat litter for this process. Did you even ask Lolita to sign a fair trade agreement?

  10. You went to all this trouble and annoyed your cat. All you had to do is take the Metro Red or Purple Line and get off at Civet Center/Grand Park.

  11. You went to all this trouble and annoyed your cat. All you had to do is take the Metro Red or Purple Line and get off at Civet Center/Grand Park.

  12. You went to all this trouble and annoyed your cat. All you had to do is take the Metro Red or Purple Line and get off at Civet Center/Grand Park.

  13. You went to all this trouble and annoyed your cat. All you had to do is take the Metro Red or Purple Line and get off at Civet Center/Grand Park.

  14. Hahaha this cracked me up. I started doubting this whole thing when I saw the kitty crap (since I owned a cat, I know how their feces look like) . Hilarious! Lolita is unamused though…

  15. Loved seeing Lolita again and she is definitely not amused. You almost had me there but HA! Good April Fool’s Day post.

  16. Loved seeing Lolita again and she is definitely not amused. You almost had me there but HA! Good April Fool’s Day post.

  17. Loved seeing Lolita again and she is definitely not amused. You almost had me there but HA! Good April Fool’s Day post.

  18. Loved seeing Lolita again and she is definitely not amused. You almost had me there but HA! Good April Fool’s Day post.

  19. Loved seeing Lolita again and she is definitely not amused. You almost had me there but HA! Good April Fool’s Day post.

  20. Loved seeing Lolita again and she is definitely not amused. You almost had me there but HA! Good April Fool’s Day post.

  21. Okay so I made the coffee. Not only did it taste like crap I’ve now got toxoplasmosis. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.

  22. just saw this today – after watching bucket list for the first time – in which this special coffee is part of the plot line. Mere Coincidence???

  23. I am so relieved that this is an April Fools joke! I was expecting the next post to be about you cooking from the confines of an asylum.

  24. We are indonesian Farm
    luwak coffee green bean,

    We have our own coffee
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    we would like to
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    Here’s our product range price :

    1.
    Raw Bean Luwak Arabica Coffee……………….$80
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    2.
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    3.
    Powder Luwak Arabica Coffee……………………$100
    – $140/Kg

    4.
    Raw Bean Luwak Robusta Coffee………………$90
    – $110/Kg

    5.
    Bean Roasted Luwak Robusta
    Coffee………….$110 – $130/Kg

    6.
    Powder Luwak Robusta Coffee…………………..$120
    – $150/Kg

    7.
    Specials Product “Peaberry Luwak Coffee”……$140
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    “Sample
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    We do accept a small quantity, but please consider
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