Hello your honor,
My name is Reese Witherspoon–Academy Award winner Reese Witherspoon. I am so embarrassed to be standing in front of you today after having been arrested for disorderly conduct in Atlanta; almost as embarrassed as I was at the premiere of This Means War. What: you didn’t see that movie? Join the club. Anyway, please don’t consider this bribery–oops I said the “B” word–but I baked you a batch of my famous blondies. Get it? Because I’m a blondie? (Well not in my mugshot.)
I don’t normally cook with butter, flour, or sugar–or cook at all, really–but I figured this was a chance to use two of my favorite ingredients:
Oh, who am I kidding, I don’t eat chocolate…but there’s my name on the bag so let’s go with that!
I started by browning butter. Well actually, I was just trying to melt butter but my agent called and started screaming at me about what happened and by the time I came back the butter was dark brown.
To that I added brown sugar and white sugar:
And then the good stuff!
When cooking with whiskey, it’s really important to pour some of it into a glass. And then it’s doubly important to drink what’s in the glass.
When you’re done with that, put some flour and salt in with the butter and sugar and then add a whole bagful of Reese’s mini peanut butter cups.
Oh my God: I can’t believe how much fat and sugar’s in there. I am so getting cast in the Pitch Perfect sequel!
Into a sprayed baking pan that goes…
Then you bake it for 45 minutes.
And flip it out of the pan.
Oh my God…why won’t you flip out of the pan? DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YOU’RE GOING TO BE IN THE NATIONAL NEWS TOMORROW.
Ah, there we go. And that’s all there is to it. Cut ’em up and enjoy.
Thank you, your honor, for this opportunity to bribe you–I mean impress you–with my baking prowess. As my character Elle Woods said at the end of Legally Blonde, “We all make mistakes.” Or was that what I said to Jake Gyllenhaal when we broke up? Either way, God bless America.
Recipe: Reese’s Criminally Drunk Blondies
Summary: Based on Martha Stewart’s simple blondie recipe.
- 1 stick butter
- 1/2 cup light brown sugar
- 1/3 cup granulated sugar
- 1 large egg
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 2 Tablespoons Bourbon (Maker’s Mark works nicely)
- 1 cup flour
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1 8 ounce bag Reese’s mini peanut butter cups
- Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. If you have parchment paper, line an 8X8 pan with it–leaving some overhang–and spraying it with cooking spray. If you don’t, just spray the pan extra hard (and yell at the blondies later).
- Cut the butter into cubes and melt in a small skillet; then continue to cook until the milk solids turn brown. Take it as far as you can without burning the butter (the darker the butter gets the more flavor it’ll have). Pour into a bowl and immediately add both sugars.
- Whisk until the butter and sugar’s combined; then add the egg, vanilla and Bourbon. Continue whisking until the mixture is smooth.
- Add the flour and salt and whisk just until you still see some white flecks. Then add the Reese’s mini peanut butter cups and fold together with a rubber spatula.
- Pour the mixture into the prepared pan, smooth the top and bake for 40 to 45 minutes until the top is firm and a cake tester comes out clean.
- Cool for 10 minutes or so and then either lift or flip the blondies out of the pan. Cut into 9 squares and serve warm with a glass of Bourbon on the side. Heck, just skip the blondie and drink the Bourbon.
Preparation time: 15 minute(s)
Cooking time: 45 minute(s)
Number of servings (yield): 8