Citizens of America, it is my duty to inform you about something unholy, something sinful that is going on in that wicked city known as New York. Deep in the bowels of a village known as “West” is a veritable Sodom & Gomorrah of chocolate whose creator, a Frenchman!, is trying to tempt our children into evil with a contraption known as the “cookie warmer.” This sick device results in the dangerous, corrupting specimen you see above!
Yes, my brothers and sisters, that is a WARM chocolate chip cookie that was kept warm in a warming tray. When you eat it, the chocolate is soft and gooey, the cookie falls apart in your hands. Look at this sick spectacle:
We can’t take this lying down. The rest of the nation must rise up and fight this obscenity, this immorality. What next? Marshmallows toasted over a burning Bible? I am sick to my very core!
And yet the aroma of that cookie is luring me in…. please, don’t let me become a savage heathen…. show me the way, help me find the path…. the path to a GOOEY OOZY amazing hot chocolate chip cookie!! Very well, Mr. Frenchman, you win.