Braised Pork Chops and Cabbage (A Poem)

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An easy dinner, one two three

Try it out: listen to me;

Buy some pork chops, one for each

Dry them off like your kid at the beach;

Heat some oil and some butter

Season the pork chops til you hear a sputter….

Add the pork chops to the pan

and chop some cabbage while you’re waiting, man:

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You must be patient, don’t be a clown

Flip them over when they’re golden brown:

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Now the other side, wait wait wait

Who’s your favorite Olsen: Ashley o’ Mary Kate?

Brown on that side? Now remove!

Whoah, my friend, you’re in the groove…

Pour out some fat, but not too much

You’ll still look sexy, just read “In Touch”

Add some seeds; caraway and mustard

You’ll hear them pop! What rhymes with mustard?

Now add garlic, six smashed cloves

And toss around–what rhymes with cloves?

When they’re golden it’s cabbage time

Add it all, don’t be a mime (huh?)

Salt and pepper ’em, reduce the heat

Cook ten minutes, it can’t be beat

Now add white wine, half a cup

If your date arrives say “Yo, wassup?”

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Now’s the test of your mettle and zeal

Add red wine vinegar–how does it feel?

Taste the cabbage–is it salty? Is it sweet?

Add more pepper, more anything, ’til it’s complete.

When it tastes mighty grand, tuck those pork chops back in

Lower the heat and cover, go read “Huck Finn”

Return in 15 minutes, or sooner if you’re drifty

Take the pork’s temperature: it’s done at 150.

And that, my friends, is a meal that impresses

Worth more than tuxedos, corsages and dresses;

So skip your wedding, put back that cork:

this marriage is perfect–cabbage and pork.

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18 comments

  1. Your photos look tasty,

    Your prose is sublime.

    But as for your poetry,

    Maybe you should keep your day job.

    :-)

  2. Clever! And delicious!

    Even better if it’s sauerkraut. I’ve got my first batch fermenting as we speak.

    Your method is definitely faster.

  3. Before you lift your fork

    to this most gorgeous meal of pork

    we must amend

    (as your health will depend)

    on the organic use

    of a pig free from abuse

    (Perhaps from Neiman Ranch?

    Or some other branch

    of antibiotic free

    productivity.)

  4. Hahahahahhaah there are a lot of reasons you are awesome, and I am subbed to you. This is one of them, though I think the first time I wandered by, I saw the comic book style rendition of you having truffles at Ducasse, and it hooked me. :) I like comic books, what can I say :) and you mixed it with my more favorite thing, food :D

  5. those are such gorgeous chops–where did you get them? I made sauteed cabbage last night too! So yummy. And check out my Beat-inspired description of the dish. (www.mousebouche.blogspot.com) apparently cabbage and poetry are a natural pair.

  6. I want to know what air-conditioned NYC apartment allows you to actually make this meal in the summer. Have you felt this humidity?!

    That said, I’ll be giving this recipe a spin in October…

  7. Wonderful. The line, “What rhymes with mustard?” was classic – made me laugh out loud!

  8. I thought and thought about what rhymes with mustard

    But I finally gave up because I got so darn flustered!

    PS I will be trying this recipe this weekend – will probably add a little bit of onion…