Braised Pork Chops and Cabbage (A Poem)


An easy dinner, one two three

Try it out: listen to me;

Buy some pork chops, one for each

Dry them off like your kid at the beach;

Heat some oil and some butter

Season the pork chops til you hear a sputter….

Add the pork chops to the pan

and chop some cabbage while you’re waiting, man:



You must be patient, don’t be a clown

Flip them over when they’re golden brown:


Now the other side, wait wait wait

Who’s your favorite Olsen: Ashley o’ Mary Kate?

Brown on that side? Now remove!

Whoah, my friend, you’re in the groove…

Pour out some fat, but not too much

You’ll still look sexy, just read “In Touch”

Add some seeds; caraway and mustard

You’ll hear them pop! What rhymes with mustard?

Now add garlic, six smashed cloves

And toss around–what rhymes with cloves?

When they’re golden it’s cabbage time

Add it all, don’t be a mime (huh?)

Salt and pepper ’em, reduce the heat

Cook ten minutes, it can’t be beat

Now add white wine, half a cup

If your date arrives say “Yo, wassup?”


Now’s the test of your mettle and zeal

Add red wine vinegar–how does it feel?

Taste the cabbage–is it salty? Is it sweet?

Add more pepper, more anything, ’til it’s complete.

When it tastes mighty grand, tuck those pork chops back in

Lower the heat and cover, go read “Huck Finn”

Return in 15 minutes, or sooner if you’re drifty

Take the pork’s temperature: it’s done at 150.

And that, my friends, is a meal that impresses

Worth more than tuxedos, corsages and dresses;

So skip your wedding, put back that cork:

this marriage is perfect–cabbage and pork.

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