Chomper Romper Room: Jacques Torres’s Chocolate Haven

There is the kid in all of us and then there is the kid that’s not in all of us. The kid in all of us loves chocolate and Willy Wonka and brightens at the very idea of Jacques Torres’s Chocolate Haven:


Located in TriBeCa, this new chocolate factory actually involves the pure production of chocolate–from the cacao beans themselves. The atmosphere is classy and magical. Like this scene from the hot chocolate bar:


Classy and magical, that is, except for that other kid mentioned above—“the kid that’s not in all of us.” That’s the kid that’s outside of us, running around and screaming and throwing a fit and toppling over chairs and throwing hot chocolate. Now multiply that kid by 10 and you’ll know what it was like inside Torres’s shop today.

I realize some of you have children. I applaud you—children are really important. Without children, who would keep Michael Jackson’s bed warm while he sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag? [Ok, sorry for that. Too easy.]

So anyway, my point is, that if you have kids–that’s great–but I’m sure you’re better parents than the parents in the chocolate shop today. These kids were exploding all over the store and it was chaos. Not fun! Kids were banging into me and crawling past me and singing in falsetto voices: “One two Freddy’s coming for you…” It was horrifying.

But that aside the chocolate was great. Lisa, John and I (who you will meet in a moment in Chinatown) each got hot chocolate. Lisa and John got the wimpy kinds, but I got “Wicked Hot Chocolate” which has heat and spices. Here’s mine:


And if you ever plan on going there and you’re scared to get this because it’s too spicy, it really wasn’t. It was perfect and had lots of flavor. Lisa liked mine better than hers.

Then John bought a chocolate chip cookie:


It was awesome. I love cookies like this. I’ve never made a cookie like this. How does one make a cookie like this? Big and crunchy on the outside and chewy in the middle. Perfect!

Hey, look at this guy roasting cacoa beans:


Won’t see that in the Hershey store in Times Square, that’s for sure. [And what’s the deal with the Hershey store in Times Squre? (I sound like a failed stand-up comic tonight. “What’s the deal with failed stand-up comics?”) (Did you ever see that Molly Shannon skit where she goes: “Don’t get me started!” It’s really funny.) Anyway, Hershey store–what’s the deal with it? Why do tourists line up to buy Hershey t-shirts and kisses caps? Don’t get me started!]

As a final treat, I bought Lisa, John and myself each one chocolate treat. Mine was the heart in the middle with passionfruit inside. Lisa’s had apricot and marzipan. John’s had cappucino:


We all enjoyed them immensely. Then we trampled 8 children and made our way out into the blistering cold. Don’t get me started!

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