The Burger Joint

‘Twas last night I had tickets to see “Opening Doors,” a celebration of Stephen Sondheim, at Carnegie Hall. Arrived there much earlier than necessary and ’twas at a loss for where to eat dinner. Then I stumbled into the Parker Meridian hotel and a light went off in my head:


“Hey!” I realized. “Here’s the Burger Joint; that place where all the celebrities go to hang out and eat burgers. They say the burgers are among the best in the city! Let’s do this thing!”

The Burger Joint is sort of hidden behind a curtain near the front desk. You go in there and it’s like you are whooshed into another place and another time. It feels like a cross between Archie comics and a sordid room on a dilapidated cruise ship.

Naturally, the whole gang was there—Ashton, Paris, Tobey, Leo. They beckoned me over and suggested I order the hamburger with the works.

“Except I get mine without the meat and the bun,” explained Paris.

“Shut up, ho,” chastized Ashton.

“Who ya calling a ho?” shouted Tobey.

Leo played with the ice in his glass and kept whispering, “Rose…Rose…you’re gonna live Rose.”

I ordered the burger with the works:


To quote the Scissor Sisters (who I’m listening to right now, they’re awesome!): “You’re filthy / but you’re gorgeous.”

I scarfed that baby down with a lemonade and a greasy bag of french fries. Literally they give you a brown lunch bag filled with fries. The whole thing totalled to $8 which isn’t wildly expensive for this sort of soul-satisfying food in Midtown.

So next time you’re with a gaggle of celebrities waiting to see a Sondheim show, I recommend the Burger Joint. It’s, to quote Paris, “mega-yum.”

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