Food Network Maraton: 12-12:30, Good Food Fast with Family Circle

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OH MY GOD, THIS WOMAN IS THE DEVIL.

What IS this show!?

There’s this woman in a kitchen and a little doggie is scratching on the door. “You wanna come in?” asks the lady. The dog scratches. The woman giggles. She lets the dog in and turns to the camera. “I just got back from shopping at one of those bulk stores and you KNOW my car is LOADED with pork chops!”

She says things like: “BEAUTIFUL EASY QUICK: my favorite words when it applies to cooking!”

“Let’s throw that in the pan, get that going… sizzle sizzle sizzle!”

“Make a shnitzel sandwich, why the heck not?”

I am getting the impression that this is a family values show geared towards family values people (I think the giveaway is the “Family Circle” in the title). I think this woman was forged in a lab with the genetic material of Jerry Falwell and Julia Child. Actually, that’s way too kind. Not Julia Child… RACHEL RAY (thundeclap).

Her food looks so nasty. She just cooked pork chops in a pan and they looked gross and then she cooked a red onion with wine and dumped it on top. Yuck. Now she’s using canned corn and canned beans and bottled BBQ sauce to make some sort of sauce. This woman will be my private chef in Hell.

5 comments

  1. Ive seen this episode and I totally agree she is the devil! She has a strange posture or something, she never looks quite comfortable.

  2. I’ve got this mental image of a car LOADED with pork chops now, smearing the windows.

    She’s hugely popular and the Food TV imprimature gives her credibility I don’t think she’d have otherwise. Time to dumb down the network even more, I guess. I thought Unwrapped and Best of… had done their worst and then this comes along.

    They should put the old PBS Julia Childs shows on late at night and call it A Fistfull of Butter. I’d Tivo it.

  3. I have to agree…she is awful. And I have never seen anything she cooked that I would want to eat.

  4. I read on a blog somewhere that described Trading Spaces’ Paige Davis as “the woman that crawled out of Satan’s ass.”

    Now I know that’s not true. THAT woman hosts “Good Food Fast.”