Satanic Saran Wrap

May 17, 2004 | By Adam Roberts | 0 Comments

I have a sneaky suspicion that my life is a TV show, a la “The Truman Show,” except instead of Ed Harris as Kristoph lovingly overseeing my every move, there is Bob Saget–a la “America’s Funniest Home Videos”–overdubbing my actions with obnoxious voices and irritating sound effects. Anyway, that’s how I felt tonight trying to get a sheet of saran wrap off this tube:

I had a little piece going but it kept going round and round and so I couldn’t catch up the other half. Then I took a knife and attempted to get the other half going and cut too deeply, tearing off all the remaining wrapping plastic. Fed up, I threw it all in the trash and slid my cobbler into a large piece of Tupperware.

“You’re the red white and blue / the funny things you do / America, America, this is you.”

Now I can’t get that song out of my head.

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