Quiet, Disciplined Study and the Night of 1000 Sorbets

If there is one question I get asked more than any other it would have to be: “Why are you naked in our nursing home?”

But if there is another question I get asked more than any other, it is surely: “How do you manage your website and attend law school all at the same time?”

Tonight I provide a rare glimpse into the world of a third year law student-cum-international gourmet sensation.

The fact is, that balancing my many interests takes discipline. Cold, hard discipline. I began tonight at the kitchen table, away from the internet, focused on my 30-page paper due in a week.


Lauren is out of town, and the apartment is mine. Cloistered in my academic hovel, I penetrated the issues of my paper like spermazoa invading an egg: my ideas bursting forth, creating life where there was no life before. (Although, some argue that life does not begin at conception. But I digress).

Suddenly, I heard voices.

“BLOOD! BLOOD! SPILL THE BLOOD!” a chorus of children sang out.

“No!” I shrieked. “Not again!”

But it was too late. I had no choice.

I ran to Whole Foods and picked up a bag of blood oranges. What else could I do?

I came back and poured sugar and water into a pot.


I sliced a blood orange in half:


I squeezed out a cup of juice:


I photographed the carcasses:


And then I poured the blood juice into the sugar water, adding a twist of lemon. I let it cool and then poured it into my gyrating ice cream maker:


“BLOOD BLOOD SPILL THE BLOOD!” sang the children, and then I realized: the couple below me was watching The Lord of The Flies.* I stomped my foot and the voices ceased.

*(This is the second in a series of what will become an annoying array of Lord of the Flies jokes.)

I peered down into the swishy mess:


What pretty colors!

I looked over my shoulder and saw my books. “One second!” I said, as I watched the liquidy syrup turn into sorbet.

Before I knew it, it was done:


Look at that funky color! It’s like phosphoresent pink. And the taste! Mmm. This was right up my alley. Tart, sweet, citrusy. Loved it. I put the rest away for safekeeping:


And then I returned to my studies.

Academic achievement is based on hard work and focus. As Jefferson said, I believe: “Genius is 1% inspiration, 90% persperation, and 9% sorbet.”


“You heard me,” said Jefferson. “9% sorbet.”

“I just made sorbet,” I replied.

“You did, it’s true,” he said thoughtfully, scratching his chin. “But did you make Lemon Thyme sorbet?”

I saw his point. I immediately ran down to Whole Foods and purchased a bag of lemons and some Thyme.

“There ya go my boy!” said Jefferson. “Now hop to it!”

I grated some lemon peel:


I squeezed some lemon juice:


I bundled up some Thyme:


And I steeped it all in boiling sugar water:


I strained what I steeped:


And after cleaning the blood off the ice cream maker, I poured it in:


“Excellent!” said Jefferson, but another pawn was in play.

“What the HELL are you doing?” said my mother from her place in my conscience.


“Two sorbets in one night?! Are you out of your mind?!”

“Well,” I mumbled, “it seemed like a good idea.”

“I’ll show you a good idea!” She waved her wand and ZAP, the machine turned hot.


But it was too late. The sorbet wouldn’t freeze:


The machine spun round and round to no avail.

I sadly poured the liquid out into a bowl and covered with saran wrap:


I put it in the fridge and cleaned and refroze the ice cream maker bowl. We would have another go tomorrow.

I turned back to the table where my books lay. I sat myself down and churned out a page. One out of thirty: it’s a start.

And now you know how it is that I do what I do. It’s not an easy life, I’ll tell ya.

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