Martha Stewart Living Episode #8232: Aryan Barbie Party

As someone who appreciates Martha Stewart Living for its dark humor and camp value, I will occassionally review the episodes I am able to catch after a long hard day at school. Today’s episode was severely disturbing: a Barbie birthday party for Martha’s colorist’s daughter.

Perhaps my liberal education has made me overly sensitive to issues that might not concern the ordinary American. One of these issues is the often touted “Feminism.” I have learned, for example, that the clitoris is really a penis and that if women think of it as such they will be empowered.

Martha Stewart shuns her peni-clitoris in lieu of Barbie Dolls. The birthday party she prepared was grotesque on so many levels. “Pink tablecloths, pink cups and of course,” she adds, “pink heart-shaped straws!”

The cake is a Barbie doll dress with flowers. The placemats are red and also flower-shaped. A pink napkin folded in a red napkin adorns the pink plate.

And now for the children: they are all blonde, all white, and all severely well dressed. They’re like mini-clones of Blair from “The Facts of Life.” Martha beams with pride as the girls play a party game.

“Aren’t they lovely?” she beseaches the camera.

Soon, you can hear marching, and the girls are goosestepping around the table.

“I’ve prepared goody bags,” explains Martha, “each containing Barbie sunglasses, combat boots and Mein Kampf.”

“Heil Martha!” sing the girls; saluting Martha with their freshly manicured hands.

“Oh girls,” laughs Martha, a glob of icing mustached on her upper lip.

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