A Brief Account of My Celebrity

February 6, 2004 | By | COMMENTS

Dear Amateur Gourmet Reader,

First of all, let’s be clear. Fame hasn’t changed me. I am still the same Amateur Gourmet that you know and love, despite all the ornaments of my newfound success. Yes, maybe now a bathroom attendant pumps my soap when I wash my hands, but how else can I keep the strange man in my bathroom occupied?

Today at noon a CNN crew arrived at my door. There were four of them: a microphone guy, a camera guy, a producer guy, and a woman in a hat. They stormed the apartment and surveyed the surroundings.

“Let’s shoot in the kitchen!” the producer guy said.

The microphone guy wired me up to the microphone; the camera guy put his camera on his shoulder; the producer guy told me to look at him when I answered the questions; the woman in the hat just watched.

“Ok, so tell us,” said the producer guy, “why a Janet Jackson cupcake?”

I took a moment.

“Well,” I said, “because I thought it would be funny.”

“Mmhmm,” he replied.

An awkward pause.

“OK,” he continued. “Now show us how you make them.”

I took him through the process, trying to avoid the words “nipple,” “aureole” and “icktheologist” (because it’s hard to say).

“Very good,” he said.

A few more questions; a few more shots; and then they were off, four gift cupcakes in tow.

“Well,” I said to Lauren, “that was pretty painless.”

“Yes,” she agreed.

Lolita, the cat, meowed.

* * * *

Meanwhile, a whole new wave of celebrity has been washing over my site. Since posting my Janet Jackson cupcake piece two days ago, I have had 18,000 hits. The site has been featured in many disparate places including:

A popular directory of wonderful things.

A popular pornographic website.

The Guardian.

And, of course, A popular site for breastfeeding.

Yes, it seems my life will never be the same. One day a pathetic law student with a website and a cat, the next an internet celebrity whose fame is based on a pastry resembling a breast. Ah, the American dream.

It seems, though, I’m not a pastry-breast-making-pioneer after all. Check out this picture a fellow Georgian e-mailed me this morning:

105_0512.jpg

Those gazongas would eat my cupcake for lunch.

And for all you Thursday Night Dinner song fans who are hissing and booing my failure to meet your demand, fear not: I am at work on an unprecedented masterpiece, to be posted shortly,

Sincerely,

The Really Really Famous Amateur Gourmet

Categories: Uncategorized

  • http://chewonthatblog.com Hillary

    It’s fun to see your excitement back then, but look at you now, a published author! Whose pumping your soap these days?

  • Thomas

    OK Adam. I visited your site for the first time today and I just have to say, it was probably not a good idea to mention that your site was featured on a porn site. Two hours later, I am finally back to your blog. Talk about getting side tracked. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am enjoying your book. As a bookstore manager, I did not have to actually buy your book-sorry, but I am visiting your site and will reccomend your book. And, for the record, I think you are cute.

    P.S. Never did find the site with you featured on it.

    Good Luck,

    Thomas